My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
