hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
