She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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