I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
