My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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