And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
