im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
