smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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