I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize