Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
