I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
