you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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