then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
