He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
