Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
