your thong is hanging out like whoa
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
