How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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