Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
