Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
