okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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