This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize