You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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