I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
