The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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