Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
