I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
