How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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