dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
