Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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