I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize