I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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