he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
