whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
