Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
