So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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