whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
