So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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