We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
