The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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