but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
