Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize