i was born a porn star she said
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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