Can Purell be used as lube?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
