What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
