If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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