we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize