I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
