There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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