True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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