Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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