the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
