I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
