can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
