We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
