Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
