I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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