I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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