Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
