Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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