i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
