Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
