alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
