I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
