I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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