is your mom at the bar?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
