apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
