Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
