Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Boobs are out for the taking
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
