Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
