my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
