i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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