Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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