What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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