i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drunk is a universal language darling
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
