Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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