it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Fuck appropriateness.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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