i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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