party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
