I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
