He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize