This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
