if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
