I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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