I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
