if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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