Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
