im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
