that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
