This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
