Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
