You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
