After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
