The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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